Go to the park, and there are they! Walking hand-in-hand and looking the perfect lovey-dovey couple. You are also out in the park, with Sparky tagging along.
Go to the coffee shop, and they’re there again! Sitting at the table and gazing at one another, oblivious to the world around them. You have coffee and a doughnut for company.
It seems that the world around and everybody in it are in a relationship, but you. And the pangs of loneliness hit you not just on Valentine’s Day. It seems romantic love is an evergreen marketing theme. Pubs and bars hold Couples Night Out events; Movie theaters dish out discounts for couples; Insurance ads are plastered with images of smiling couples. It’s everywhere!
Although being in a romantic relationship is indeed fabulous, being single can be equally (and blissfully) happy too. You can teach yourself how to be happy being single. Here’s how:
1. Stop dreading loneliness; start enjoying aloneness.
The people around you and the media have created all that hoopla about being single because we are all afraid of being alone. But we are alone, whether in or out of a relationship. Once this is fully accepted, once you allow yourself to let all that pain of loneliness out of your system, then you can start enjoying your aloneness.
There’s nothing inherently damning, dreadful, or shameful about singlehood; it is what you make it out to be. You can be happily single if you choose to. And the even better news are that if you really and truly accept your aloneness, your next relationship will be a much healthier one because you won’t need the other. Plus, if this relationship will end you’ll go through the mourning period much faster because you already know how to be happy being single.
Train your mind to embrace aloneness as a fact of life. Repeat that fact to yourself – I am all alone; cry it out, let out the anger, self-pity, pain and fear; do this whenever you feel the pangs of loneliness. After you let the pain out, think of what it is you do have; of how enjoyable life can be when you are on your own. Imagine yourself enjoying your life fully, as they are right now. Do this and gradually, the feeling you get when you imagine yourself single and happy will become your day to day reality.
2. Practice self-love.
Being single gives you the perfect opportunity to realize and honor your strengths. Don’t wait for someone to appear around the corner and tell you how wonderful you are; tell this to yourself. Practice loving yourself. As a first step, give yourself love and empathy – all of us humans make mistakes, we all act out of fear, we are all here to evolve and improve, so don’t be too harsh with yourself. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change behaviors you would like to change; only that you start the process from the point of view of self love.
On the more practical side, treat this time as your exclusive me-time when you can indulge in your aloneness. Get back to doing an activity you once loved or cultivate a new hobby that will let you be creative and fill your hours with happiness.
3. Have fun!
Go out on dates; enjoy these meetings, even if they are only temporary. HAVE FUN. Want to be your authentic self on dates? Fully accept the possibility that this date will lead to nothing but fun, and you will be free of the fear of what the future might bring. Expect nothing, and you will be able to enjoy whatever comes your way.
4. Grow, emotionally and spiritually.
When you are single, you can concentrate on the most important person in your life—YOU.
Take care of your mind, heart, and soul so you can heal from a failed relationship or muster the mental strength to live a life on your own. Take workshops and attend meetings that help you grow spiritually and emotionally. This includes any type of activity that brings you joy and happiness.
5. Stay present to be happy.
Being fully present means you don’t worry about the future. Not worrying about the future allows you to really and truly accept the present, and be happy with it because if there’s no future, there are no expectations.
Here’s a very simple but effective tip to being present: being active – as opposed to spending a lot of time doing nothing, watching too much TV or thinking too much – helps us be fully focused on the task at hand and therefore, be present. Whether at work, with friends, shopping – whatever the activity is, as soon as you notice your mind wandering remind yourself what you’re doing right now. It might sound something like this: “what am I doing right now? Shopping. Ok, I now concentrate on shopping”. You can do this as many times as necessary.
Singlehood is not a curse. Be optimistic and make the most of your me-time. You may or may not enter a relationship. But don’t let this glorious period of your life go to waste by being afraid. Revel in your singlehood. Be a happy and confident person, and inspire others to be like you.
Still want more? Check out these awesome tips on how to be happy.